You let them in thinking,
“It’s okay this time, they will stay.”
They end up leaving.
But only after taking and taking.
Till what’s left of you,
Is an empty husk of the person you once were.
So you keep trying,
Till your heart becomes as dead the night.
As cold as the winters you hate,
Till there is a spark.
Only to discover that there is none.
The only thing you allow yourself to feel,
Is the faint resignation from within,
That you were always wrong,
And she was always right.
I’ve come to this much delayed realization that everything in my life is because of all of the things that keep piling up, and then falling apart.
I’ve tried to fix friendships, fix myself, come to terms with things I intensely dislike about myself and erase myself. But, nothing will ever top the utter hopelessness I felt for these past few months looking for a new job after I quit my old one.
It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted here and I’ve decided that since I want to grow as a writer and have a more healthier means of venting my stress & frustration – I will try and update my blog more frequently.
You say that it’s all going to change,
You’re going to get better.
You’re going to be stronger.
You say we’re friends, you say we’re sisters,
So why do I feel like you don’t mean that?
Why does it sound like lies?
You’re only love me when you’re scared,
Only when you’re angry and alone.
You say we’re best friends, but it feels like a convenient lay.
Why is it that I’m the one to pick you up?
Stick you together when you’re a mess.
When all you ever do is just use me in the end.
I’m not going to talk you, till you talk back.
I’m not going to chase you, till you chase me.
I’m tired, so leave me alone.
So I turned 20 years old today, and I feel this weird lump in my belly as I continue to work on my projects and prepare for my semester finals.
I discovered this song completely by accident while I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and then heard it in a TV show.
This song is really sad one but it’s so lovely because of how bittersweet the lyrics are.
I wish there were more songs like this that was mainstream.
Growing up in a South Indian family that hails from a strong Protestant background, I’ve always had morals and manners drilled into my skull like there’s no tomorrow.