As the World Turns

Two months ago I turned 24.

If you had asked me exactly ten years ago what I’d be doing on my twenty-fourth birthday, back when I was a bright-eyed high schooler, I would tell you that I’d be already married and expecting my first born by now.

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Daydreams and Growing Pains

As you grow up, you begin to realize how many dreams you’ve abandoned because you didn’t try enough.

 

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Image Credit: “Up” by Pixar

 

While some of these dreams were cast aside purely because of logistics and unreasonable standards. Some dreams were left because you never forced yourself to go that extra mile to achieve it.

This has happened to me many a times purely because I assumed too much and was too afraid to rock the boat. Dreams, to

Dreams to me, were just fantasies I let myself dabble in when I couldn’t concentrate on homework, assignments or chores. These dreams were just big what-ifs on what my life could be like if I hadn’t made the choices (I more often than I’d like to admit, regret making) that resulted in the path I’m currently in.

But that brings me back to what I wanted to talk about – ‘time’ or the crazy way we suddenly grow older and then, we just hit the pause button and go, “How the hell did we end up here?”.

At the moment, none of us really have the answer to that question.

I’m the kind of person that believes that everything happens for a reason, and we don’t get more than we can bear in terms of difficulty and happiness. In retrospect, I may find out why I made all those decisions as I grow older but right now, I can’t help but feel slightly resentful of the things I gave up.

A part of me feels like each time I change course, a new reality is probably being set up for me and I’m going to keep changing my journey to suit the situation I’m in.Another part of me, however, feels like my deep-rooted insecurity is right and that I’m making a mistake.

Dreams, aren’t supposed to burst so fast – especially when you’re relatively young. Dreams are supposed to be like trees – rooted and strong till you let the gardener go mad with the chainsaw and cut it down.

All I want to say is that everyone should nurture their dreams, no matter how much time ticks away and makes it look further than away. Alan Rickman became an actor at 32, Brandon Stanton started Humans of New York after he got sacked, and Mindy Kaling graduated from being a writer to a lead actress and showrunner of her own show.

Dreams – if you love them and water them enough will bloom into pine trees. Even if you have to put your dreams into boxes and take them out late at night – do it.

Life is but a song and eventually, if you keep working on it enough – it will eventually turn into a reality.

We’ll Remember These Days

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”
— Doctor Who (Series 7), Season 2, Episode 10.

So, it’s been a few days more than a month into my internship and I’m thinking that it’s going good so far.

But, like most young adults my age who are doing internships, college and trying to be a grown up – it’s hard. College never prepared you for the track you have to run to get somewhere.

I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time, and there’s this huge insecurity inside me that eats me on days when I think I’ve screwed up. However, this internship is a huge upgrade from my previous work experience (I worked for a local filmmaker for four months and I was really underpaid). I initially had some lows and I still do (office politics with weird people) but, I get by through the day by completing my work on time and being thorough.

I was so thorough that it ended with me getting bronchitis last week and feeling tired. On top of that, I ended up moving my residence so I’m really behind on having a clean room and unpacking my things. I should hopefully tackle this the coming weekend and organise my room.

Otherwise, the year hasn’t been that bad (apart from my health issues) and a couple of hangups with friends.

I think I’m learning to move on and be a more mature person; I know that you’re not going to be friends with the people you befriended two years ago because life happens. But, it’s a nice sentiment to believe in and hope that your friendship will last throughout the ages.

I learnt the hard way that you can come off as unwittingly invested in someone’s life when they obviously don’t want you to be there. Then, there’s also that friend you have who says you’re friends but talks shit about you behind your back. But, I sorted out everything and learnt to move on. I even sent a lengthy email to Captain Awkward but got the weirdest reply ever (“Try seeing a therapist, if you’re already not going to one.”).

But, I suppose that’s how life is – you think everything is going well but it’s not and when it doesn’t go well, you have to move on and be the bigger person.

Because no one is going to pull you out of that pit, and currently, I’m trying to get out of that hypothetical pit that looms before me right when I think it’s all going good.

We’ll remember these days that help us for the rest of our lives.