Mortality and me

“Are we living to die or are we dying to live?” 

Two days ago while I was busy enjoying the shortened hours of Ramadan in my office by mall hopping with a friend, my uncle passed away.  What affected me was not the fact that he died but was the fact that he left this world so quickly and no one realized till my aunt posted a heartbreaking text message in our family What’s App group.

Every time I hear someone died, I’m always hit with a feeling of loss and numbness.

I don’t know if its because I live my life never thinking about what would happen if I died but I barely think about death and the fallout. As a writer, I realized very late in life that death was an easy alternative to shelve story lines or kill off a character. As an adult who’s learning to be a copywriter who occasionally dabbles in fan fiction and short stories, I’ve realized that death is so final and so so easy.

I’m not talking down anyone’s experiences with death or making a blanket statement but, I’m always struck by how death comes for everyone and it never discriminates. It’s a horrible thing dealing with loss, especially when you know the person in question personally. My heart bleeds for my aunt because this is the second loss she’s going through in her life (she was widowed very young and remarried my now-dead uncle). Mostly, I’m always worried about the finality that death brings when it does arrive, and how much of a sobering effect it has on you.

There’s really no reminder like death when you need a wake up call to sit and evaluate your life and the trajectory it is in currently.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to think about death. I prefer not to because it would force me to confront some deep-seated issues that I’m not ready to address. In Rap Monster’s song ‘Life’, he talks about whether we live to die or die to live and honestly my brain hurts after hearing that. It makes you wonder how much of the life you live is a lie because you’re trying to please some unknown audience who couldn’t care less about you.

The point is, I hate death and how much it takes from us. I hate that I will never see my uncle again, I hate that I will never see my grandfather again. It’s not fair and I don’t think its right how some people always go before their time and how they deserve so much better.

 

 

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